I was downsized from a job I thought I loved on April 28, 2015. I was earning a very nice 6 figure income with a great expense account and benefit package. I had worked for this company for almost 14 years and had done every job except for one – my partner’s job, Director of Sales. I was Director of Service and was responsible for the operations as well as 12 offices and 50 staff. I loved what the job was supposed to be – coaching and mentoring of all inside Service staff including Managers, Client Care Specialist and all Support workers.
However, on April 27th, after a very lengthy conversation with my boss, and me arriving at an office only to sit in their parking lot and not spend time with the staff because I was held hostage on the phone with him, I shouted out loud to the Universe…How much more of this can I take!! Turns out the Universe had my back and knew what I needed (and wanted) even though I was not aware of it consciously, and I was downsized the very next day!
The problem was that in order for me to actually do the work I loved, I had to work from 6:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. to get everything accomplished. I did all of the Operations work at home after hours so I could spend time and concentrate on mentoring staff during the day. My boss was not your ordinary, average boss.
He was a real creative and when the mood hit he called with no regard to what time of the day or night it was. He would talk for hours and would think nothing of calling me at midnight and talking until 6:00 a.m. when I had to get ready for work, and then he would go off to bed! He had no sense of boundaries and didn’t care what I was doing, where I was going or who I was with. I missed many, many suppers with my family because I was sitting in the van or the garage on the phone with him. My family life suffered and they got very tired of me, my boss and me always being on the phone.
I know you are probably thinking why the heck did I answer but if I didn’t answer he would call a staff member from one of the offices and then there would be emergency clean up from his actions or words, so it was easier for me to keep him talking than it was to have to play devils advocate and smooth things over the next day. It felt like there was nothing I could do to change the situation, and I was making more money than I had ever imagined was possible for me. I would never have decided on my own to leave that job…it pid too well and the promise of being able to do the work I loved was a constant carrot dangling in front of me. I just had to get the other stuff under control and learn it all so I could then delegate it to the appropriate staff member. I was making headway, I had already delegated a lot off my plate but there seemed to be never ending jobs constantly popping up and if it didn’t fall under sales it automatically became my job because somehow Service translated to Operations.
By the time I left the company I had lost a huge chunk of hair from the back of my head, and three smaller pieces across the top. I had lost a lot of weight and had a rash from my wist to my ankles. The job was killing me with a slow, steady death but I was too dumb (actually numb) to see it. My family and staff all saw but I explained it away. I was tired but that made sense, I was working incredibly long hours and trying to learn how to run an entire business with no one to show me the ropes. At one point my back hurt so bad I could hardly walk but I was at work everyday without fail as we were closing down head office and I had to be there to oversee and do the manual labour. One of the staff said to me that I should go home and rest and I assured her I was fine, there was nothing at home that would fix my back either so I may as well be working.
I was living so far outside of my own body and had been for so long that I was truly out of touch with myself body, mind and soul. I didn’t feel stressed. I lived on coffee and cigarettes and was always in high gear. I did everything in high gear at high speed, I had no idea how to take it easy or go slow. I was working everyday from 6:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. There was no down time because I was this same person at home on weekends too!
Now, looking back, from where I am today, I can see this but at the time I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) see any of it. Thankfully the Universe had my back and stepped in just in the nick of time. All it took was for me to declare in a moment of weakness that I wasn’t sure how much more I could take and the Universe could come to my aid. We have free will, and we must always ask for assistance before the Universe can help. I am so grateful now for that 1 moment where I realized I was no longer able to handle things on my own. I truly believe that if I had continued to keep that pace I would have ended up having a stroke or a heart attack.
After I was downsized I spent the next year working…working harder than I have ever worked in my life before or since and it was just what I needed. Again, the Universe works in miraculous ways when we can get out of our own way just enough. Our daughter was engaged and decided she would like to be married in our back yard. Our yard and home exterior had been neglected for at least 15 years while we worked and had 4 busy kids who worked and played sports. I spent the next several months, until snow fell, working outside doing things like patching the house walls, cementing the wall where the old chimney had been, painting the house, clearing out the old barn and tearing it down, hauling old cement by the wheelbarrow from the old barn to the dump bin, moving plants, working flower beds. We had all the windows and doors in the house replaced, removed trees, cleaned up the hedge, removed shrubs, trimmed trees, built a deck, laid sod, weeded, weeded, and weeded some more, raked the entire property, brought in and spread 17 yards of mulch. More work than we had ever done outside, all in a few months.
During this time I also spent time with my family, and trying to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. All this physical labour and spending time in nature was incredibly healing for me. Our property was transforming but so was I. My mind was calming down, learning to slow down and be more present. I was de-stressing, not constantly thinking, my thoughts weren’t running a muck, always 10 miles ahead in order to be on top of everything, to anticipate every needs and actions of every person, always on guard trying to circumvent any issues my boss may be creating in other offices while I was working with one office. Over time my mind started to slow, I closed a lot of old open files that no longer served me, and and made room for other more pleasant thoughts. My anger began to dissipate and I noticed how rare it was for me to fly off the handle now. I started sleeping better and falling asleep much, much faster than I had in years.
During this time I hired a life coach. I had been trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the remainder of my working years (because I honesty do love to work) and landed on coaching. I took all the parts of all the jobs I had ever had and looked at what I really loved within each of them, and it was teaching, mentoring and coaching so I decided to hire a coach and see what it was like. I was amazed at the deep healing that occurred in such a short time frame. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to heal and to move forward into a life I dreamed of, so I poured everything I had into the internal work. I was hooked so I went on to take my certification and began coaching. I have never looked back – this is what I am meant to do, my SOUL purpose.
I have spent the past few years learning, doing, falling, doing again, falling, getting up, getting in touch with all of my emotions, learning how to feel all the feels, struggling succeeding, failing, getting back up, celebrating, being frustrated, and sometimes this happens all in 1 day. The main thing is that I keep going. There is no trying, there is only action…inspired action. My path has turned into a Spiritual path. If anyone had told me this 4 yers ago I would have laughed them out of the room, but now I read energy and feel others physical and emotional pain, I know what your emotional and money blocks are when I merge with your energy, I receive messages from your loved ones in Spirit, and get messages from Source. My life has transformed in every way imaginable and yet there is so much more to come.
Life is about growth, progress, learning, and trying to figure stuff out. I am always learning something, reading, diving deeper into my internal self or helping clients go deeper within. I believe if we are not growing we are dying…there is no standing still. I am constantly growing into the next version of me, into the vision I have for myself and my life. Life is the journey; there is no destination.